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Welcome!

Join us for hypothetical hilarity as three schmanelists are asked somewhat silly What If questions. Sometimes we get serious. And occasionally Rachel the Moderator gets horrified. (And then she might shoot someone with a Nerf gun. We all have our ways of coping.)

We also learn something mildly educational every podcast! And when we don’t know something, Shawn gets to look it up for us. You can check out his homework on each episode’s blog post. 

You can submit What If questions of your own with our Contact form. We reserve the right to choose or ignore them as we please. Especially since we’re trying to keep this clean. Cleaner than under your couch, at any rate.

Episode #27: Versus (Live at TusCon!)

Join the Schmanelists at the Tuscon Sci-Fi convention TusCon—dedicated fans of science fiction, fantasy, and horror. This episode is has the team discussing the eternal geek hypothetical: Who would win? It’s Chewbacca vs. Sweetums, Captain America and Mr. Rogers (in a ‘nice-off’) and many more, including Kate’s very, very dark joke about Abraham Lincoln.

Episode #26: If I Had A Million Dollars

What our Schmanelist panel do with a windfalls of various size? Caveat: It must be wildly irresponsible. $500, $1,000, $100,000, a million … and one billion dollars. Music studios with dungeons, dragons, and assault with a delicious weapon … sometimes at the same time. Featuring some high-quality cackles, and mechanical poop sounds.

Episode #25: Musicals and Mischief

Three schmanelists who are also improv performers deliver their take on musicals. There’s a surprising amount of murder for an episode where Steve mostly stays quiet, David breaks into song on a regular basis, and a critique of Daniel Radcliffe’s butt. (Spoiler: It’s pretty great.)

Episode #24: Life on Uranus

Life in our solar system is real! And the schmanelists detail the tiny whales, cannibalistic crustaceans, and naked space hamsters that inhabit each planet. Also, some frantic Google searches to remember our 5th grade science classes. We are “non-experts” after all…

Episode #22: We Have the Power

He-Man and She-Ra were a part of our childhoods, so we’re going back to ruin Eternia to build our own secret fortresses, explore the Ambiguously Gay Duos, the fur loincloth fashion, and meet a special Guest Schmanelist, Amanda. Fair warning, this is … not a PG episode. At all.

Episode #21: #deathgoals

In this poorly-recorded episode, the Schmanelists are in the Halloween spirit, examining what it would be like to be a ghost. Steve is allowed to join the panel and predictably becomes the first person to be shot with all six Nerf bolts after describing ghost teabagging. Also, #deathgoals. Note, there is explicit language revolving around Dick Cheney.

Episode #19: Wasting Away in Hyrule

Rachel probes the gamer minds of Shawn, David, and Alan as they explore which video games they would live in, which is actually their lives, and of course David talks about how he would definitely die painfully. Somehow, the topic of Edge of Tomorrow literally never comes up.

Episode #18: Evil Masterminds

Turns out, special guest Liora’s experience growing her own business (at overtone.co) gave her a lot of insights into how to keep your neighbors from reporting your mad genetic experiments in an upstairs apartment.

Also special note: Sorry about the last episode’s “blank” podcast. We’ve uploaded the proper file, but iTunes (or whatever your podcast service) may or may not care. To listen, come to our site at panelschmanel.com.

Episode #17: Pokemon Come to Your Town

What if the world of Pokémon merged with our own? Are there cockroaches in the Pokémon world? Would licking become a leading cause of death or fetishes? Find out with Steve, Alan, and David!

What if the world of Pokémon merged with our own? Are there cockroaches in the Pokémon world? Would licking become a leading cause of death or fetishes? Find out with Steve, Alan, and David!

Episode #10: 50 Shades of Green

The Shmanelists explore the wild world of genre crossovers: Living in movies, and crossing famous movies, TV shows, and books. Steve makes a case for the quiet life in Police Academy, Ben wants to be a claymation figure, and Amy wants to follow murders but not actually be murdered. Star Trek, Pee Wee, drag queens, and Archie Bunker all make appearances. And that title…

Episode #9: The Wookie Life Day Special

The Schmanelists have gathered before watching Rogue One to discuss everyone’s favorite space opera, complete with a special guest schmanelist, the Star Wars Holiday Special, and a passionate outburst from the supposedly-quiet sound engineer about why Qui-Gon Jinn was the worst. Also, a bonus question about wookie anatomy. Continue reading “Episode #9: The Wookie Life Day Special”

Episode #8: A Space Odyssey with Pauly Shore

What if you were a space explorer?

What if you were a space explorer? Ben is really excited about a space cruise, Jen and Shawn are going solo just so they can finally have a quiet moment, and Biosphere 2 turns out the be relevant to Episode 4.  Continue reading “Episode #8: A Space Odyssey with Pauly Shore”

Episode #7: Dinosaurs Make Terrible Pets

What if dinosaurs still roamed the earth?

What if dinosaurs still roamed the earth? Ben monologues, Shawn is over the giant bugs already, and Jenn’s steampunk T. Rex has a monocle. We make no claims to accuracy in this podcast. None. And we find a new cause in pinkie power!

Continue reading “Episode #7: Dinosaurs Make Terrible Pets”

Episode #6: Playing With DEATH

What if your place in the afterlife were determined by a game show?

What if your place in the afterlife were determined by a game show? Alan showed off his encyclopedic knowledge of the genre, Mira shows why she is unrivaled in cunning and malice, and somehow David ended up singing a country music song from the point of view of a sad golden retriever.  Continue reading “Episode #6: Playing With DEATH”

Episode #5: All Aboard the Zane Train

What if you were stuck in a horror movie?

What if you were stuck in a horror movie? Shawn’s making up his own movie, Alan’s not afraid of no ghosts, and Mira is going to survive. Our schmanelists also talk about their favorite terrible movies and unintentional horror movies. And Shawn assigns us homework for a change. Continue reading “Episode #5: All Aboard the Zane Train”

Episode #4: Netflix & Kill

What if the zombie apocalypse happened? Jenn has a bus, David has a sword, and Ben has a chicken. Somewhere along the way, our schmanelists decide Elon Musk is our universe’s Tony Stark. Also, Rachel finally gets to use her Nerf gun! Continue reading “Episode #4: Netflix & Kill”

Episode #3: In A World …

What if humans laid eggs? Our schmanelists decided this involved chicken overlords and bedazzling. But not the the bedazzling of chicken overlords. Shawn, Alan, and Mira also discuss the birds and the bees, with an emphasis on bees, and sexy hats. And Mira turns out to not be human.
Continue reading “Episode #3: In A World …”

Episode #2: We’re Super

What’s your superpower? Our schmanelists got a bit creative with this one. Amy’s in competition with God, Ben’s starting a catering business, and David’s power comes with a cleft chin. This all gets derailed when we can’t remember the ingredients for Seven Layer Dip. Continue reading “Episode #2: We’re Super”

Episode #1: The Sinister Three and a Half

What if you were a villain? For our inaugural show, we asked our schmanelists that and somehow we got the Butt Prince. Listen to learn more about Alan’s secret lair, Shawn’s sparkly transformation sequence, and Mira’s living dress.
Continue reading “Episode #1: The Sinister Three and a Half”